Week 3 – Back to work

Honeymoon is over! I really missed my baby girl today at work. All I could think of is her. Will it be like this every day now??? When I pulled in the driveway at daycare, she was standing by the gate waiting for me with her thumb in her mouth and twirling her hair. You should have seen the expression on her face when she saw me running over to her with my harm wide open. I asked the daycare workers if she just stands there and wait for me. They said she starts checking for me when the parents start picking up their children.

George!!! Kyanne has been asking for her all weekend. She told me that George was going to come back and she was going to give her a big huge and lots of kisses. I felt so helpless. We sat down and we talked about George for a bit and I told her that George was her angle now and she is going to protect her. I don’t think Kyanne will forget George... Kyanne really loved her.

Kyanne had a very busy weekend. She had 2 birthday parties. One of them was a little boy that she goes to daycare with. I can’t believe she is already getting invited to friend’s birthday parties at 2 years old.

Update from previous post

I just snuck in to see how daddy was doing...

Funny things that happened today after work...

Kyanne grabbed her play keys, had her doll under her arm and waved me goodbye. She said “Bye mommy, see you, love you”. I asked her where she was going and she said she was bringing her baby to daycare. I was laughing so hard. She is growing up too fast for me.

While I was preparing supper, she came to me with the dental floss. I stopped what I was doing to go show her in front of the mirror how to floss her own teeth. I walked back in the kitchen to finish what I was doing and realized I could not hear her. Was she in trouble I thought??? I went to check on her and there she was, her hands in Sam’s mouth trying to floss her teeth LOL! Sam had the weirdest look in her eyes... I think she wanted to bark for help, but she had a long string in her mouth!

If you would see me go in the evenings, you would think I’m on fast forward... I am still trying to do everything myself but I think I will need to slow down at one point. Today for the first time, I had a huge headache a few hours before I was done work. I think the getting up at 5:30 am is starting to get to me. So far I’m managing. Supper is served, laundry is done, house is somewhat presentable and we still get to spend lots of quality time together.

I am happy to report that daddy is now able to put Kyanne to bed. When I was on parental leave, I sort of wanted to be with her all the time and did not really ask for any assistance, but I now think it’s a good time to start taking turns so I can get some stuff done in the evenings. When I’m in her room for a good hour, I no longer have the intention of doing anything else. The first night was not good. She kept crying out my name and I finally gave in and got her sleeping. The second evening it did not even take him half an hour. As I am writing right now, I can hear them talking in her room. He is reading her a bedtime story.

Another funny story... The first night daddy did the bedtime routine, I was sitting quietly listening and I heard daddy say “Kyanne you will have to get up and find the book you want... daddy does not know who Ariel is LOL!  

For the first time today, Kyanne did not cry or whine when I dropped her off or picked her up at daycare. Even in the evening, she would normally whine if I did not give her my full attention, but tonight she was a happy camper. When she got out of the shower, she wanted to stay cuddled up in the towel and play baby. She said she was mommies baby and she was going to sleep in my arms.

HE only sends us what we can handle…

2 weeks ago, we lost my very own shadow! We had to saygoodbye to George our dear boxer. All of a sudden, that Sunday evening shestarted having problems breathing. We thought she had eaten something and wastrying to gag but that was not the case. After 3 days at the vet, the endresult was that she has a collapse lung and the air was in her stomach. Shecould not even laydown to rest. I had stayed on the couch with her for 2nights. We could no longer watch her suffer. George was the youngest of ourboxers and had energy like you would not believe. We miss her dearly, but weknow she’s now in a better place and I can bet you that she’s somewhere on abeach playing with those seagulls LOL! Maybe in this new lifetime she’s in, shemight even be best buddies with them…
Kyanne has been asking for her a lot; however Sam has steppedup and is taking over George’s duties. She comes to bed with us when I put herto bed at night and she will stay there all night to watch over her. We borrowDozer a lot, Sam’s brother that lives next door so she doesn’t stay depress onthe couch all the time. The 2 of them are alike. They both like to eat andsleep. I think Sam’s life is going to be a bit more relaxed now.

Having Kyanne in my life, it has helped me get back on trackpretty quickly. I don’t have time to sit down and cry. I am extremely busy. Ichose to remember her for what good she did for us. I told Kyanne that she wasnow her Guide and she will be watching over her.
Yes! I started work again and I am not DEAD yet!!!! It wasnot as bad as I had visualized it. I guess I just didn’t want to get out of mycomfort zone. We’ve had no problem getting up early in the morning so far.Kyanne is very responsive and she follows what I ask her to do. I don’t want torush her to much but we are making the best at getting ready quickly.

Coming home is the fun part! I can’t reach her day care fastenough to bring her home. I had a scenario picked out in my head that we wouldget home and it would sort of be like the military. Have to do everythingquickly so we don’t run out of time sort of thing but it’s the total opposite.We get home and we have FUN! I make sure I give her some fruits so she doesn’tstarve and off we go to the beach with Sam or go play in her swing set. I don’trush to get supper ready. I realized that I am not one to prepare the daybefore. I tried it the first day and I failed. I like preparing my food when Iam ready to eat it. Once we stayed outside for a good 45 minutes, we slowly getsupper ready. I really enjoy our evening so far.

On a happy note… Kyanne ate BROCCOLI with me for the firsttime this week. I made my own cheese sauce and she at them all.  (Thank you Liette)!!!!
So all and all, life is good! I think I will survive andlike waking up in the morning and going to work. I’m not saying I like my work,but it will have to do for now.

George… I loved her like she was my child. I still do. Shewas there every time I cried for Kyanne to come home to us. She was there totransition Kyanne in her new forever family. She was there for my parental leave. I’ve never seen anyone so happy to seeus come home. She was a loyal dog. So all that to say… I believe that she hadserved her purpose in this lifetime. Having to come home to George and Kyanneafter a full day at work, it would have been very hard on me to be able to givethem all the attention they need. Sam on the other hand, she is happy to seeus. She will give us big kisses and then do her thing. George was not like thatat all. She needed 100% of my attention. When I was on parental leave, I wasmanaging, but in the back of my mind, I knew that someone would suffer when Iwas going to go back to work. If George did not get the attention she needed,she would have just sat on me or got up on her back legs and tried to hug me toget my attention. For the time being, we will not get another dog. I thinkeverything happens for a reason and this incident happened for a reason. Notbecause we wanted George to leave us, but because it was her time to go. Shewas probably needed somewhere else. Good bye and we miss you dearly!!!!

Oh and Christina! I did not tell you at lunch about Geroge because I didn’t want to cry the whole hour. I knew that I would eventually post it on my blog and you would see it.

 Sam and Geroge last day together.

 Last family photo with George.

 My lovely girls all cuddled up.

 Kyanne trying to eat dog food with George.

 Kyanne's first few weeks at home. She was just getting to know Sam and George.

 George having fun in the sand.

George could not leave mommy alone even when I was sick. She had to find a spot on the couch to be with me.

 

 Kyanne's first full day at daycare!

Mommy's first day back to work as well...

Seriously! Am I going back to jail???

Having spent the most beautiful summer ever with my loving daughter Kyanne, I am now sick to my stomach.

For the past few months, we’ve been having breakfast each morning outside appreciating the view of the ocean followed by a nice walk on the beach with the dogs. I seriously tried to get us doing chores or go to Moncton to run some errands, but it’s been just too nice and hot every day.  After Kyanne’s nap, we normally did some activities. We either went to the beach with Théo and Liette go to my friend’s pools or take walks in the parks. Why does it have to come to an end???

Why am I feeling this way anyways? Kyanne has adjusted extremely well in daycare. I take her twice a week and she just loves it. You would think that I should be happy about it.

Yesterday we had our last playdate with Théo and Liette as status “parental leave”. Liette is returning to work next Monday. We’ll now have to see each other on weekends. I didn’t think it would have affected me but I’ve had tears in my eyes all day today. I just don’t want to go back to work. I think the problem is that I just don’t like my work. Yes I have a good secure job... I think... but I just don’t really care for it. I don’t think I was brought on this planet to work at a desk all day.

Since Kyanne came home to us, my life has changed. Yes for the better that is!!! It was not an easy job being a mommy to a toddler for the first time. We’ve had some good and bad times, but we both grew together and learned who we truly are deep down inside. I love doing things spur of the moment, not having a schedule. I love being able to appreciate the mornings at home. That being said... I now know that in order for me to be truly happy, inside and out, I need to find a job that fits my needs. I don’t want a job 8 to 5 bull shit...

Yes I will be back to work in 2 weeks, but I will be focusing on changing what I do. Kyanne has brought so much joy in my life. I am her roll model right now. I am teaching her right from wrong. I am teaching her to be her best. I can’t teach her all that if I am not doing it myself. I want her to learn to be herself and not what others think she should be.  Taking the easy path does not mean you’re happy at the end. It just means you made a decision to settle for less.

So am I really going to change? Don’t know. All I know is that I needed to write it down and tell someone. What a better place than my blog so everyone knows how I feel right now lol!  

Off I go now to get Kyanne from daycare. We have a playdate with the girls I grew up back when I was in school. It’s going to be fun!

So are the terrible 2zzzzzzzzzzzzz not wanting to sleep?????????

Kyanne has decided she no longer wants to nap and sleep at night. Last night it was another 1 hr ½ upstairs. I had decided that I was not going to sleep with her last night. I stayed by her bed after we read her story and to my surprise; she did not like the idea. At one point I even left her room and went to take a shower to calm down. She cried and cried while I was by her bed. I think it’s going to be a rough week but I have to do it. The rest of our time together, she’s the best little girl a mother could possibly have. I guess we just have to get through this week and see how it will turn out.

Right now, It’s 1pm and I’ve been trying to get her to nap for the past half hour. Usually, nap time, I just get her all comfortable on the couch upstairs and I go in my room and sing. Today is a different story. I even put the gate so she could not come downstairs and she managed to get down. It’s a nice day and I am not wasting it on waiting for her to sleep. If she does not fall asleep in the next 15 minutes, baby girl is going to be tired tonight and she’ll be in bed early. I am not wasting my energy on waiting! Thank god we had a good morning on the beach. We did some yoga for a good half hour and played in the sand. I love our beach time with the dogs in the morning. It’s such a peaceful time for me. I am very grateful for my family!!!

Adoption Pool Party

Yesterday we attended the annually adoption pool party at Mary,  one of the mommy group’s home. This was our first time over and we absolutely had a great time. It was fun to see all the families together having a good time. Kyanne loved being in the pool, however we had to get her out because she was cold and did not realize it hahah!