Thursday, August 23, 2012

Seriously! Am I going back to jail???

Having spent the most beautiful summer ever with my loving daughter Kyanne, I am now sick to my stomach.

For the past few months, we’ve been having breakfast each morning outside appreciating the view of the ocean followed by a nice walk on the beach with the dogs. I seriously tried to get us doing chores or go to Moncton to run some errands, but it’s been just too nice and hot every day.  After Kyanne’s nap, we normally did some activities. We either went to the beach with Théo and Liette go to my friend’s pools or take walks in the parks. Why does it have to come to an end???

Why am I feeling this way anyways? Kyanne has adjusted extremely well in daycare. I take her twice a week and she just loves it. You would think that I should be happy about it.

Yesterday we had our last playdate with Théo and Liette as status “parental leave”. Liette is returning to work next Monday. We’ll now have to see each other on weekends. I didn’t think it would have affected me but I’ve had tears in my eyes all day today. I just don’t want to go back to work. I think the problem is that I just don’t like my work. Yes I have a good secure job... I think... but I just don’t really care for it. I don’t think I was brought on this planet to work at a desk all day.

Since Kyanne came home to us, my life has changed. Yes for the better that is!!! It was not an easy job being a mommy to a toddler for the first time. We’ve had some good and bad times, but we both grew together and learned who we truly are deep down inside. I love doing things spur of the moment, not having a schedule. I love being able to appreciate the mornings at home. That being said... I now know that in order for me to be truly happy, inside and out, I need to find a job that fits my needs. I don’t want a job 8 to 5 bull shit...

Yes I will be back to work in 2 weeks, but I will be focusing on changing what I do. Kyanne has brought so much joy in my life. I am her roll model right now. I am teaching her right from wrong. I am teaching her to be her best. I can’t teach her all that if I am not doing it myself. I want her to learn to be herself and not what others think she should be.  Taking the easy path does not mean you’re happy at the end. It just means you made a decision to settle for less.

So am I really going to change? Don’t know. All I know is that I needed to write it down and tell someone. What a better place than my blog so everyone knows how I feel right now lol!  

Off I go now to get Kyanne from daycare. We have a playdate with the girls I grew up back when I was in school. It’s going to be fun!