Thursday, June 25, 2009

1 year millstone…

It will be 1 year next week that we’ve started our adoption journey. I feel we’ve been going backwards all winter. Hopefully this summer will bring in new and happy thoughts. We received 2 emails from our agency since last week with no new information. The cutoff date was suppose to be last Friday, June 19th and nothing has happened yet. I feel that as my dad had promised me, this adoption is going to happen. I know that he is making everything in his power to stop them from making a decision too fast. With time, I know it will happen. We just have to keep fighting for what we believe in and continue to pray.

Renee and I went shopping this week, we were at Home Sense and she found a decoration for Kyanna’s room. It’s the letter K with the colors of her room. It’s really pretty. My mom called me last night all excited that she has bought another doll for Kyanna. I think this little girl is already spoiled. One thing for sure she is in our hearts and we are not giving up on her. She will be in my arms sooner or later.

One thing I have learned is to enjoy the moment and be part of the ‘NOW’. I am no longer thinking and wishing that this journey be over. I am concentrating on what is happening today and going through the emotions.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

My Horoscope

I read that in the plane last night coming home from Ottawa. You won't go wrong this week trusting your instincts - especially in matters of the heart. Whether in business or pleasure, success will come your way.

I called my caseworker today and expressed how we still wanted to go on with Ghana. There is nothing more that I want right now but somehow I just don't feel any good vibes. I am not getting discourage, but I just feel empty. I feel that we will never see the end of this path. I used to have dreams when I was younger that I was walking home and all of a sudden, my house had disappeared and I was scared and afraid that I would no longer see my family. I kept on walking and walking and it was never ending ... Well this is exactly how it feels. We are walking on this path, but don’t have a clue where we are going and don't know if it’s going to work out or if we will ever see the end. I am not sure that I can go on much longer with this uncertainty. I don’t mind the waiting part, it’s the UNKNOW that I have a hard time with.

On my way home from work today, I was thinking of my dad. I was asking him to give me another sign that things will work out tomorrow and we will hear good news. I must say that my dad must be pretty tired of my everyday request. He must not have time to relax yet xoxo. A few minutes passed and the song, Africa by Karl Wolf was playing. I know that this was my SIGN. I felt once again confident that things are going to work out.

Well let’s just say that I am pretty messed up tonight. I honestly don't know if we should be thinking of Ethiopia??? Deep down when I just think of it for a split second, I feel that I am not being faithful to my believe. We really want this adoption to work out, but we can't wait another 2 years to see if the program will work. Our caseworker is trying to lead us to Ethiopia. They are promoting it as a well establish program and very successful. Deep down I feel that there is this little girl in Ghana waiting for us and it breaks my heart to even think of somewhere else. I don’t know if it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I believe that the adoption will happen but I just don't know any more from what Country. I am going to ask for another sign tonight that will help me make that decision to continue my believe as I truly want or to think of other options.

Hopefully I will wakeup tomorrow with a clear path and my heart will continue with GHANA xoxoxo

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Coincidence or Not?

Another one bites the dust… For some odd reason, I received an email this pm from Imagine. Same routine, I have to be alone to read it and this time, I was not at my desk or at home. I am in Ottawa for a course at the Canadian School of Public Service actually in Gatineau. The teacher just asked us to read the last Case Study of the day and I just happened to check my blackberry, not that I am addicted or not LOL! There it was, I just left the room and went into the lounge area. I was reading however, not understanding a word. I wanted that email to be positive and I would have been able to run back to the classroom and tell my coworkers that this is it, the program is back on track, but it did not happen that way. The email stated that they had been advised on a federal level that HOM orphanage would not be getting a license after all as they were suppose to after the last email we received. Because of that, our agency advised us that they were CLOSING the program on Friday June 19, 2009, unless they can receive clear evidence or re-licensing.

This is not good and I was not ready to deal with this in Ottawa. Yesterday was my Birthday and I was away from my dear husband and step-daughters. When I got back to the hotel after class, there was a dozen ROSES waiting for me. I felt so special and loved. My great step-daughter Nicole made the arrangements with her friend at the front desk. She is sooo special xooxx.

On my birthday, June 15, 2009, I was thinking of my dad in class. I was thinking that he would of probably had a hard time of my being away on my birthday if he would have been here but then again, I know he was with me. I was thinking in my mind that I wanted a sign from him. Weird COINCIDENCE happened right after that. I opened my bag that I had my treats in for no apparent reason and just looked inside. I saw a little piece of paper folded in half. I opened it and it was my dad’s appointment for his bone scan on the day he passed away, Feb 19, 2009. I just stared at it and thought to myself, this is my sign that I had asked for. Didn’t really understand why the date would be important but I just accepted it. Anyhoo, getting to where I was going with all this… After receiving that email today from our agency, I did not get upset, it hit me that I was really confident that this adoption was going to work out and we were not giving up and…. The sign my dad gave me was the 19th. He probably meant that that would be my Birthday gift from him. I will be able to enjoy the 19th and celebrate because it will be huge milestone for our journey. The 19th will no longer be a bad number remembering his death and the day we traveled, it will be a day to remember!

There’s my two cents on this whole email scenario. You might think I’m crazy but I believe it this and will keep fighting till my Kyanna is home. Maybe this blog is not suitable for all audiences but this is my stress reliever. I just type away and it makes me feel good.

Good night!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Miracles do happen - June 8th, 2009

Today I am the happiest person in the world. When I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to the radio and they were talking about father’s day. Tears started coming down my eyes. Every year for father’s day, my parents came to our place to celebrate because my birthday was always the same weekend or a weekend apart from father’s day. I was hurting so bad that I just wanted him to come back for my birthday. It's the only gift I want this year. I think my father heard me talk to him this morning because the last thing I thought would happen today was receive an email from Imagine. I was sure we would only get something by the end of the week. To my surprise right before lunch, we got an email saying that Imagine finally received the paperwork they were waiting for!!! Yoopiii! They said the DSW (Department of Social Welfare) are confident that HOM (Hands of Mercy) will be licensened for the new Child Reform Act within 2-4 weeks. After the licensing process, court dates and referrals will continue as normal.

I want to thank everyone that has helped us pray for this miracle to happen. When I saw the words… We have chosen to continue with the Ghana adoption program… I thought I was going to hit the roof at work. I was jumping for joy. I know that this might not be the last bump on this journey but it was surly one of the biggest one yet. I am grateful that we were able to pull through it and will continue to pray and wait for our little Kyanna to come home. I guess I got my birthday gift a week early. Jessica one of my blog friends who is also adopting from Ghana is celebrating her birthday today. I'm sure she could of not asked for a more wonderful gift that to receive that email today! I hope she enjoyed her special day.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Still on the same path.

Last night before we went to bed, Victor and I were talking about the adoption and looked at it in a positive way. We realized that maybe god is giving us a sign and the timing might not be right to have our Kyanna with us this winter. We might have to wait another year because something else might come up that we have to take care of. I know life is not always fare, but we did agree that we are not letting go and we will wait until it happens. I know that Victor is a bit older than I (hahah) and some people are saying he’s crazy to be thinking of raising another child at his age, but then again, it’s our lives and we can do what we want with it. When the time will come that Kyanna will be home with us, I don’t think we will be thinking what age we are or how hard it will be, we will be overwhelm with joy and will know from the bottom of our hearts that this was the right decision. You don’t need to be between a certain age to make a difference in the world, all you need is a loving couple that want to give someone a chance to live a wonderful life with our family.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Still standing on the edge of the cliff…

Other than still waiting to hear from Imagine next week with a verdict of is the Ghana program still operating or closing, I am still continuing to live my life. I am surely surprising myself by writing this down right now because I should be freaking out right now. I guess I am so used to fighting for what I want that it has become a second nature for me now in my life.

I spoke to Imagine this afternoon, one of the caseworkers told me that they had been waiting for the paperwork to come in from HoM (Orphanage) and without it, they cannot continue with the program. She said they are hearing that all is running smoothly and things are looking good, however it’s all in verbal communication. She said the Canadian High Commission are not accepting adoption from HoM and its not looking good because they cannot get the paperwork. I begged her to wait awhile longer so we can continue the process and she advised me that as some point they just have to let go. She said HoM had a few months to get the paperwork in and was not able to do so yet. She talked to me about other programs and options and I did not want to hear them. We are sticking with our gut feeling till the end and not giving up. We still have hope that this can all sort itself out. With everybody praying in each corner of Canada, I know we can make this work. Some call it a miracle some call it luck, call it whatever you want, it will happen.

Check out this link, you can see for yourself all the wonderful children waiting to be adopted. This is what I am praying for.

On the website, it talks about the situation in Ghana at HoM orphanage. I truly believe that Past Deb will make this work. She is working so hard to get this program running. I pray for her strength and her good will to continue helping all these children.