Thursday, March 26, 2009

No good news.

March 26, 2009, it is now, 1 month, 1 week, 3 days have passed since our dossier is in Ghana. I can say this is the first week that I am back to my old routine. I only call my voice mail at home once a day… ok I’m lying, twice a day but at least in between those time, I can actually concentrate on my work. Every night before I go to bed, I try to think of things I will have to adjust to when we bring Kyanna home. The only major thing right now I can see is waking up early enough in the morning. Right now I only give myself 20 mins to get ready for work. That is just not enough time. Two days ago, I woke up to the discovery that my sweet George had a midnight snack. The snack was my DG Glasses $$$. I guess our daughter will have to learn at a young age that she will have to pick up her toys because they won’t last very long. I hope George is almost done her puppy years and she can mature like Sam.

My mom called me tonight to let me know that they are now giving morphine to my grandpa. They will stay with him 24hrs because it’s the end. I find life so cruel. I am not over the lost of my dad and now I have to lose someone else right away.

I sure hope things will start to get on the positive side.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Turns out that I have no life… other than thinking about our adoption journey.

Everything I do or everywhere I go, I visualize myself holding my little Kyanna in my arms. We are at the beach, on vacation somewhere down south or even jsut at the store. She is in my thoughts all the time. I want this to happen so bad now it’s like a dream.

Having great friends is the best! I got an email today from a dear friend who told me something so special. She told me that as hard as it was to lose my dad, actually 1 month today, that good had to come out of it. She told me that she remembered me telling her that My dad wanted to meet his grand-daughter so bad and now he would not be able to see her. She made me cry and up my day and told me that he was now going to be able to go look for his granddaughter. He was going to pick her out for us! He is now going to be part of our lives forever and take care of us xoxo.

My caseworker emailed me to let me know that she received our Ghana medical forms we had to have fill out by our doctors. So all is done. Still at the same stage, waiting for our referral. I actually emailed our SW today to ask her to call my work or cell number when the time comes for our referral. She indicated that it will be the new agency from Saint-John that will be contacting us since they took over the international adoption. She said she will update our file to make sure they call us at work. I think that I will start a new ticker for the referral wait time. Something to do 

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

New begining for us...

Since my dad's death, things are going through my mind and some things I cannot figure out. I need some answers before I can make closure of all the negative thoughts. Victor and I are seriously changing our lifestyle and habits to live a healthier and take good care of our body. My dad's death sort of served us as a wakeup call for us. We are using it to the fullest and are continuing what he was going to do with the naturopath.

March 10, 2009 a month after my dad was diagnose with cancer, we both had an appointment with Susan MacDonald, Naturopath for an Energy Balance Detoxification Therapy (Footbath). We talked about Victor getting sick every time we travel to Dominican Republic. She gave us some useful information for Victor to start doing so his immune system can get stronger before we have to travel to Ghana.

His first session, she asked him to start taking,3 pro-biotic a day and 1 once of Noni juice. At home he had already start taking cod liver oil and flax oil.

When Victor told me he wasn't sure that it would be a good idea that he comes to Africa with me to get our daughter, I was really sick to my stomach. There is no way that he was going to miss out on this special moment that we will share together. I think this is what's motivating him to live a healthier lifestyle and try to get his body to be in perfect health. The naturopath said that if he can boost his immune system, he should have no problem going to Africa and stay in good health with some recommendation.

Moving on...

March 9, 2009 - My mom and I went to Sears after work to pick out the nursery for Kyanna. It is very beautiful. I cant wait to have it all set up in her new bedroom. I love my mom so much and I am glad that we are able to spend this time toghether. My grand-father who is 99 is now in the hospital because he caught the Gastro and is too weak to come home. I've visited him twice this week and he still has his sence of humor, no pain, but just not strong enough to come home.

This is a picture of my grand-parents in September. We were celebrating their 70th Wedding Aniversary!!!

Month of February…Difficult times

It all started on Feb 3, 2009. I got home from work and had a voice mail from my cousin Margo. She asked me to call her back on her cell right away or at home. I wanted to panic for a sec but decided to stay calm and wait to talk to her. To my surprise the first thing she asked me was if I had talk to my parents today. My dad had been in an accident with a transport. It all went downhill from there. He was not hurt, thank god! He was coming home and a transport was getting off the highway and did not stop at the stop sign to turn left onto the Memramcook road. When my dad realized that he was not stopping, he stopped and the end of the trailer hit him in the front driver side. That evening, I drove to see him to make sure he was ok from my own eyes. He was calm and was not hurt at all. We had a nice long chat. That evening, I was going there with a purpose. I wanted to be involved with his medical appointments to know what was going on. Without a fight, he agreed. I found it really weird but was so happy that I did not question it.

Feb 6, 2009 – I went with my dad at the hospital from X-Ray of his intestine. He wasn’t able to walk fast at all. He said he was not in pain, however you could tell that he was not at his very best.

Feb 10, 2009. I was at work and got a call from my dad that his Dr.’s appointment for his blood work and x-ray results were in. We were only suppose to go the Friday the 13th, but they called that they wanted to see him the Tuesday morning. When we got in the office, he told my dad that he was diagnose with cancer. He said it was in his lungs, liver, lymph node cells and in the muscle of his hip. I started crying immediately. This was the one moment in my life that I just didn’t want to go through. I had fear this all my life and it had finally hit me. My dad was in a calm state and was taking in well. The doctor explained to us that it would be best to admit him right away in the hospital to be able to go through all the test faster. We stayed in the hospital from Feb 10 to 14th on Valentine’s day. Mixed emotions were happening because on Feb 11th, I got an email from Imagine that our file was leaving for Ghana. We were so happy but at the same time all I kept on thinking and wishing was that I wanted my dad to be able to see his grand-daughter. I wanted him to be well and be able to enjoy having her around.

Feb 17th, 2009 – Margo was able to get my dad in to see a Naturopath in Saint-John, NB. Helene and I drove him. When he was done the session, the knots in my stomach were gone. I felt so good and felt like we could save my dad.

Feb 18th, the day before Victor and I were leaving for Punta Cana, DR, I had all his pills in order for him to take, had the schedule of his appointments and who was bringing him. I didn’t want to leave him but the doctor had told me that they were only in the stage of figuring out the plan and what type of treatment he was going to have. He said we should defiantly not cancel our trip and relax because when I would be back, it was probably be stressful with the treatment and taking care of my dad. I agreed to go because I felt that he was in good hands with my mom and his sisters and they would take very good care of him. I was going to call him every night to see how his day went like I do every time we go away on vacation. Again, mixed emotions… We got an email from Imagine that our file was in Ghana. It had made all its way there and we are now finally officially waiting for our baby girl. The file made its way there on Feb 16, 2009. You could tell that my dad was happy. Before I left that evening I told my dad that I had spend the last 8 days with him, day and night and was going to miss him dearly for the next 7 days that we will be away. He told me he was going to miss me too and he loved me. I have him a great big kiss and told him that I loved him and I was going to talk to him tomorrow evening and see how his bone scan and biopsy test results of his lungs went.

Feb 19, 2009 – That morning, Victor and I were on our way to Punta Cana, DR. I cannot tell you how I was feeling that day because I never felt it before. I knew I was not going to see my dad for 7 days, but nothing was going to change because I was going to talk to him every day anyways and when I was going to get home, my brighter was going to be home from Edmonton as well to see my dad. That evening before we went to have supper, I called home to see how he was and there was no answer. I hung up and called right back thinking he didn’t have time to pick up. The second time I know something was not right. I then called at my aunt’s house, Linda to see what was going on because she had brought him for his test in the morning. My uncle Hector answered and told me my father was not doing good. He said that when they brought him back home, he collapsed on the floor. They brought him to the hospital in ambulance and they were only giving him 48 hours. All his organs were shutting down. Can you imagine, me being so close to him, had listen to his doctor and still went on my vacation because he was going to be ok and we didn’t even made it through the first night. I just wanted to die. I cried and cried…. I was angry with the world in general and at that point I didn’t want to go back home. I wanted to forget about my life in NB. I wasn’t able to talk to anyone at the hospital because I was not able to connect to any cellular phones. I finally spoke to Danica and Chantal. The poor girls tried to comfort me but it wasn’t working. After midnight, I got a call from Margo that it was all done. He had passed away. It was the worst feeling of all but yet I knew he wasn’t suffering anymore. I was just imagining that we only found out 9 days before that he had cancer all over and not once did he say he was in pain. He was such a proud man.

Feb 20, 2009 – We were able to make arrangements to come home the following day. I spoke to my mom and she said he was done suffering and he was ok now. I could tell that she felt some relief and she was ok. I wanted to be with her so bad and at this point I could not wait to come back home. My anger had passed. The following days were much of crying and laughing. Thinking about the memories. I did my grieving on the beach with my dear husband. The one person and place I love so dearly. I think It was meant to happen this way. I knew that my mom, his sisters and nieces were with him. I think he didn’t want his girl to be there when he passed away. When I got home, I was ready to deal with all the people, arrangements. I think that having 2 days on the beach helped me relax and accept this difficult time. I was some glad to see my brother home as well.

I know that the month of February is not really part of my adoption journey, but my dad was a major factor in this adoption process and I feel that we wanted him to be around to see his little girl and now he will be with us forever and always. Just watching over us all the time. He is now our guarding angel.

Feb 27, Friday after a long week of funeral stuff. My brother was still home from Edmonton and we decided to spend the day at Wentworth for some skiing. My dad used to bring us when we were younger. He never wanted to go but we somehow convinced him to bring us. Every trip to Wentworth was an event on its own. One time, we had to hold the door of our old station wagon incase it opened accidently and we would fall off the car. Another time, Christina, my friend brook her arm trying to follow us in a trail. And last but not least my dad always started the flu before we left and looked like a snowman by the time we left the hill LOL! I honestly don’t think our dad ever said no to us. He always managed to put a smile on our face and giving us everything we wanted when our dear sweet mom was trying to discipline us. I guess with a bit of both my brother and I turned out half decent LOL! The day at Wentworth was a day to remember our dad xox.