Sleepless New Year

New Years Eve started out real good. We went to town to get a few things. Kyanne was a very good girl. She slept all the way there. At the mall, she was happy and did not cry trying to get out of her stroller. Since it’s our first New Years Eve with Kyanne, we decided we would stay home. Victor’s daughters were going out with friends so I was not comfortable leaving her with someone that she doesn’t see every day. Our friends said they would come over for some appetizers and wine. Before the evening started, Kyanne was having fun dancing. She found my high heel shoes. Not only did she walk with them, she was stepping like she had done this before. She was hilarious to watch.

I went to take my shower and little did I know, I had company. She still had her clothes and walked in the shower with me. She was having the time of her life! She was screaming so hard that the dogs came to see what was going on. I got her clothes off and washed her while she was there LOL!

Around 1am, we did not have a happy camper. I got to her room and she was standing up and had her arms wide open. This was not her usually, fall back asleep as soon as she saw mommy. I tried to get back to fall asleep but she wanted nothing to do with her crib. After an hour in my arms I was exhausted and did not know what to do. I walked her in my bedroom and she saw the dogs sleeping. We got close to them and she pointed at my bed. She cuddled with them and eventually fell asleep. I made myself a little spot by her and fell asleep as well. After an hour or so, my husband thought he could put her in her crib and she woke up right away and started crying again. This time it did not stop. I you could tell she was tired but she kept on fighting. I needed to sit down for a minute, I just couldn’t anymore. I sat on the rocking chair to rest for a second and to my surprise, she did not cry. She squeezed me tight and cuddled on me. I was shocked. This was the first time she found comfort while I was sitting down. When I tried to put her in her crib eventually, she did not fight back. Needless to say, it was a rough night. She woke up again screaming at 6 so we decided to start the day early.

New Years Day - While we were getting ready for our New Years Day lunch at my husband’s sisters, I was trying to do her hair in her high chair. I thought she was being silly and was playing with her head but I turned to look and she had fallen asleep. I immediately stopped and let her sleep. She needed that rest so bad that I was not going to interrupt her. After 20 minutes, I accidently banged on something and the dogs thought someone was at the door and it woke her when they started to bark. I brought her upstairs to change her dipper and I was not even done that she had already fallen asleep again on her changing table. I pulled up a stool and sat there watching her sleep for another good hour. Naptime is so difficult that I will do whatever it takes to make sure she has her rest. I was so not looking forward to bedtime. I was actually scared that she would not want to go to bed. I was so tired and knew that I would not be able to pull an all-nighter with her. At 7:30, she was all ready for bed. She said goodnight to daddy, gave him a kiss and we went upstairs. I had her in my arms and she pointed at her bed after 2 minutes. 5 minutes after I was downstairs. Victor could not believe it.  I could not believe it myself but I was so relieved. I was in bed not even half hour after.  Baby girl woke up twice during the night crying but it did not last. I was in and out in a few minutes and she woke up at 7:30 with her arms wide open. She had a nice smile on her face. I was so happy to see her smile that I picked her up right away and we went to see daddy and the dogs in the other room.

Doing my hair in the bathroom, she looked at the dogs sleeping on the heated tiles and she decided to join them. I took out some towels and she eventually relaxed for a bit, but she never got to sleep.

I honestly got scared the evening of New Years Eve. I was so confused... should I let her cry and stay there to watch her or comfort her in my arms forever till I can’t any more. I sent out a message on the GLA Yahoo group and I got lots of replies to reconfirm my gut feeling that Yes I need to pick her up in my arms and make sure she knows mommy is responding to her need. Yes everyone and their dogs are telling me that I am spoiling her and I need to let her cry in her bed! I know they mean well, but they are not the ones that have read books and done some research on International Adoption for 3 ½ years. I made the decision the day we had her in our arms on Nov 19, 2011 that I would not let her cry in her bed. I talked to Victor again in the past few days so he could understand where I am coming from and he now realize as well that this is what’s best for her. It’s hard when family members are telling you what you should be doing. Isabelle, a friend of mine who has already adopted from Ethiopia borrowed me some of her books on attachment. I went over it with my husband tonight and he is on the same page as me. I’m not saying he was not agreeing with me, but as he had raised his 2 daughters in the past and have not read and researched as much as I have on adoption. We just needed to go over a few things together. I was still saying this evening that I wish she would want to sleep with us, but she wants her bed and I will respect that. I am not far away and as soon as I hear her cry, I am in her room in 10 seconds.

Monday January 2, 2012 - Having slept 11 hours, last night, I must say that I am in a happy mood! Kyanne woke up with a big great smile. This morning she tried sunflower seed butter with her waffle. She ate some honeydew melon and seemed to have liked it. Today we enoyed the beautiful day outdoors for a bit. She is now comfortable walking around outdoors. I can’t wait to get more snow so we can really enjoy ourselves.